


Say what you mean (tell me I'm right).

by gyufan2303



Category: Bleach
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, mentioned past Hisagi Shuuhei/Kira Izuru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 18:49:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4360298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyufan2303/pseuds/gyufan2303
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You better back me up, asshole," Renji says. "This was your idea.”</p><p>“Not a chance,” he shoots back.</p><p>But they both know he will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say what you mean (tell me I'm right).

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'The Ballad of Mona Lisa' by Panic! at the Disco.  
> OTL just a tonne of feels that I needed to get out coz i love these two and I need them to find happiness (preferably in each other).

Braiding Renji’s hair is as difficult as sparring sometimes. The enemy is rough, unpredictable, vicious in their conviction. He refuses to give up.

“Give it a rest, Izuru,” Renji teases from where he’s sitting at his feet, leaning back against his knees. “Have some more sake.”

Izuru pinches his neck.

“I’ve done it before, I can do it again. I won’t be beaten by hair.”

“You’re such a pansy.”

Renji knows he’s pushing it but Izuru’s nothing if not resilient.

“You’re the one afraid of your own hair, hypocrite.”

He does have to concede to that.

“Seriously though, this is good stuff. Totally worth the beating Matsumoto-san’s gonna give me for stealing it.”

Izuru snorts.

“You can take her.”

He can almost hear Renji’s eyebrow shoot up into his patterned forehead. This time Izuru has to admit defeat.

“Okay, fine, if it’s about her sake, she’ll beat you in ten seconds.”

Renji guffaws loudly, almost causing his hands to dislodge from where they’re precariously arranging the strands of the braid.

He leans down till his mouth is almost touching Renji’s ear.

“But for those ten seconds,” he whispers slyly, “you’ll make me proud.”

Fingers pinch at Izuru’s toes and he has to bit back a chuckle.

“You better back me up, asshole. This was your idea.”

“Not a chance,” he shoots back.

But they both know he will.

 

*

 

 Izuru sips at his sake, leaning back into Renji’s chest and finding comfort in the faint _thump thump_ of his heartbeat.

“Want me to come with you tomorrow?” Renji’s grumble tickles his ear but he’s too tired to swat him away.

“You can’t afford to take another day of absence this month.”

The arms around Kira tighten, pulling him further back against Renji’s chest.

“Captain’s gonna be helping Ichigo with his kidou, and our third seat needs more opportunity to take initiative anyway. I’ll be there if you want me to.”

Kira squeezes Renji’s knee. He remembers going with Hisagi senpai when they were still dating and he was so stupidly in love. But Hisagi won’t be there to hold him together this year.

( _I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry, Izuru. I need to be alone, figure some stuff out, get my division back into shape._

_But – but senpai –_

_I can’t. I don’t love you anymore, I’m not capable of that right now. Just go, Izuru, please.)_

“I think my parents will be happy to see you. I ask them to look after you too, you know.”

The feel of Renji smiling into his hair, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head, makes him hug the arms around him tighter. He never feels safer than here, on Renji’s lap, surrounded by his infinite warmth and support. It makes facing the fellow officers he let down slightly more bearable, gives him courage to think that maybe Captain Ootoribashi won’t suddenly get fed up of having a broken lieutenant and send him packing to somewhere he can’t be a disgrace to the division. (That just because Hisagi broke his heart doesn’t mean it’s too damaged to use anymore).

When he and Renji stand before his parents’ grave tomorrow, heads bowed in prayer and thanks, he’ll allow himself to think that his parents are proud that he’s made it this far – that they both have.

For now, he’s content to sip his sake and feel Renji’s chest expand and contract soothingly against his back, fall asleep with flashes of red in the corner of his eye and a quiet strength in his heart.

 

*

 

 If Izuru thought that dismembering Kurosaki would get that heartbroken look off his best friend’s face, he’d do it in a heartbeat. But it won’t, so he just moves Renji away from the sight of Rukia and Kurosaki having lunch with Captain Kuchiki, all three of them radiating a sense of _family._ They’d come back to the sixth division together, to drop off some paperwork about a joint training exercise with the third division when they’d felt Kurosaki’s impressive reiatsu and followed it to a restaurant near the building, where they saw the him and Rukia and, unbelievably, the Captain, laughing and eating (Kuchiki as expressionless as always, aside from the ever so slight twitching of his lips).

Izuru puts a hand on the small of Renji’s back and pushes him away from the scene, all the way to the sixth division captain’s office where he puts down the papers in a daze and stares at Izuru, face blank save the pain in his eyes.

Izuru leads them wordlessly back to his office and locks the door, sits Renji down on his chair and sits facing him on the desk, legs bracketing Renji’s and hands gripping Renji’s trembling shoulders.

Eventually Renji starts talking in short, harsh bursts.

“I – I’ve been trying for so many years how can he just – Rukia and Captain both, how can he – just take everything I’ve wanted for so long, I’ve been working my ass off for _so long_ –”

Renji lets his head fall forward into Kira’s chest, puts his arms around his waist.

“Fuck, Izuru,” he mumbles. “I’m so fucking tired.”

Kira clutches Renji’s head to his chest and rubs the nape of his neck with his fingers. He takes a deep breath.

“Fuck them,” he says.

Renji’s fingers dig into his back in admonishment, like he knew they would because he doesn’t tolerate disrespect to Rukia under any circumstances. Well, today he’s going to have to make an exception.

“They don’t deserve us,” he says, knowing that it’s a stupid, nonsensical thing to say but he doesn’t care. He’s tired of feeling like damaged goods and he knows Renji is too.

“You and me – we’ve given everything to them, bled and cried and sacrificed everything and if they can just throw that away without a second thought, if they think they can just take advantage of our loyalty then they don’t deserve us and we’re better off without them. I’m better off without Captain Ichimaru and Hisagi-san and you’re better off without Rukia and Captain Kuchiki. Fuck them.”

Renji’s taut as a bowstring, every instinct screaming to throw Kira to the ground, make him pay for even insinuating that he give up Rukia, that Rukia doesn’t make him a thousand times better, that Rukia doesn’t deserve everything in the world. Kira feels it under his finger tips, understands because he still wants to scratch at his skin and curl up and cry when he thinks about betraying his Captain but they need to let go.

“Tomorrow, we’re going to get Momo and go have a picnic at our favourite spot in the forest. We’re going to spar and me and Momo are going to team up against you as usual but your still going to beat us because you’re incredible and I’m never going to stop looking up to you. Okay?”

His throat is too tight to speak but Renji nods and rubs Kira’s back where his fingers have probably made bruises.

Kira takes him back to his own quarters and they eat the human candy Renji managed to smuggle from Urahara’s shop, sending a hell butterfly to Hinamori to inform her of their plans and that she absolutely cannot get out of coming.

“Thanks, Izuru.” Renji lets his head fall on Kira’s shoulder. Kira squeezes his hand.

“We’re gonna be okay.”

“Obviously,” Renji snorts. “We’re fucking war heroes. We got this.”

Kira grins at him.

“Let’s have some sake – from Captain Kyouraku’s stores this time. My treat.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> was it terrible? was it passable? please let me know :3 thanks for reading!


End file.
